What A Day

Well, for the first time since I arrived here, I felt really great yesterday.

I finally figured out what all this stuff is about, or at least I think I understand. As best I can tell, someone named "Santa Claus" puts a bunch of gifts under my branches, then a whole boatload of people come over, everyone eats an amazing amount of food, more gifts are exchanged, then the little people play something called "Guitar Hero" until everyone goes to bed.

What a strange custom.

But you know, it was cool, because I was the complete center of attention all day! I was the protector of the family's gifts, and then they gathered around me in the morning, all excited about the wrapped presents (although how anyone can muster up enthusiasm for a box of something called "chocolate" is beyond my comprehension). Later in the day, more people arrived and they all commented on how beautiful I looked. I felt important again!

And here's the best part...there's been no discussion about getting rid of me. I was really worried about losing so many needles, but you know, I was getting a bit heavy and needed to lose a few pounds anyway! So I'm kind of hoping that they'll be able to stem (no pun intended) any further damage, and maybe I'll be able to stay.

At least I have some hope and optimism. What a great day.

In My Absence

I haven't written because I've been plotting my escape.

I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids! For the past few days, I've noticed that my trunk was just slightly loose. Not loose enough to be comfortable--no, my cruel captors saw to that, you can count on it--but with just enough play that I thought it might be possible to wiggle free.

So I started leaning.

Oh, I put every ounce of energy I had into it. Whenever they weren't looking, I'd force my remaining sap over to one side in an effort to assist gravity. I figured if I could just fall the right way, I could roll out the front door on my way to freedom!

But my plans were thwarted.

Last night, they had guests over, and as they were preening me like some show dog that needed to be brushed before her appearance in front of the judge, they noticed that I wasn't standing up quite as straight as usual. One of them tightened up my screws, then wrapped a wire--A FREAKING WIRE!--around my trunk and tied me to a nearby door frame. He hid it really well, too, so there's not even the remote possibility that someone will notice this hideous constraint, this impediment to my freedom, these horrific chains that bind me to the horror that has become my life!

So here I stand. I put every ounce of energy I had into that escape plan. I'm weakening by the day, and there's no chance that wire's going to give. I guess I'm here for the duration.

This Is Where I Live

This is my home:

I have good neighbors, a beautiful view of the rolling hills covered with my evergreen brethren, plenty of space for the deer, rabbits and other animals to frolic beneath my sprawling branches.

It's a good life.

Today, a little boy even came to visit me and had his picture taken by his family. They admired my shape and form. They even put a special bright red tag on my branch. It's like a beautiful ribbon!


I feel so special.