Traditions, Shmaditions

Apparently they do this every year.

Yep. Last night they went up to something called an "attic" and brought down boxes upon boxes of junk. Then, they proceeded to hang these baubles all over my branches.

I'm telling you, there's just no end to the humiliation!

I'm now festooned with strands of white lights and every sort of gaudy holiday decor you can possibly imagine, from hand-blown glass "ornaments" to children's macaroni art to hand-painted ceramics to jingly bells and some things that are just impossible for me to describe. And don't get me going on what they did to that poor angel on my top limb. I'm sorry, but I thought the phrase "stick it up your a**" was just a figure of speech.

But it gets worse.

They have a creature.

They call it a "cat". I remember seeing these things in my old home, but they weren't that common. This one, though, is particularly annoying. To start with, it's a mutant, with seven toes on its grubby little feet. Oh, and believe me, it puts those seven toes to use. It's constantly batting at my lower branches like I'm its personal chew-toy.

So what do these creeps do? Cordon off the cat to protect my delicate needles? Lock it away in a room somewhere? No! They actually put soft ornaments on my bottom branches so that the evil one can have something to play with! What is wrong with these people?

But I had my revenge. As these people were poking and prodding and hanging countless pounds of ornamentation on my ever-weakening limbs, I made sure I poked back. There are some seriously irritated hands in this house this morning.

It's not much, but it's the best I can do.